Hari ini saya menghabiskan waktu dengan teman lama. Ngobrol kesana kemari. Bahas hal-hal standar dan update cerita kehidupan masing-masing. And soon, we start comparing things between then and now. Betapa banyak sekali hal yang berubah selama beberapa tahun terakhir, and not even in our wildest fantasy of how things actually ended up. If I could go back in time and tell myself in the past that this is how things actually ended up, I would not believe it. Saya jadi mau bahas tentang perubahan.
Change really is inevitable. Dan sudah menjadi sifat hakiki bahwa waktu akan mengikis apapun yang tetap diam. Perubahan itu sendiri tidak selalunya disadari oleh lingkungan sekitar. Namun, satu hal yang pasti, jauh di dalam diri, perubahan tersebut pasti terasa. Bahkan kita sendiri tidak lagi sama seperti kita satu menit yang lalu.
“Your life looks different because it’s filled with houses and husbands and kids. And mine looks the same, but I’m not. I’ve changed. I’m doing this alone. And that’s just as hard as what you’re doing.”
-Cristina Yang, Grey’s Anatomy Season 10 Episode 12-
Gara-gara ngebahas ini saya jadi inget satu scene di serial Grey's Anatomy dimana Cristina Yang argues with Meredith Grey about their lives. Just because your life is filled with husbands and houses and kids, and mine's not, doesn't mean that I'm still the same person as I was. Because things around us might stay the same, but we're not.
Perubahan tidak selalunya something physical or material. Maksutnya bukan berarti satu tahun lalu saya masih sekolah dan sekarang sudah lulus. Change might not always something we can point our finger to. It includes how you see the world. How you see yourself. How you feel about those things you did back then. How you look for the meaning of life in the things surrounding you. Change is, you, running out of words and excuses, and lost in translation of how things were back then and how things turned out to be just now.
Change is hard. It blurs the line. It makes you question who you are and what you want in life. Change is something you never saw coming. It creeps you up on the inside. Turns you into something else. Something you never thought would happen. And if you don’t recognize yourself good enough, you might get lost inside it.
So, get to know yourself. Go deep beneath you. Feel your purpose within. Because life might turn things into something you never even imagine. And that’s your job to not lose yourself in the process.
